Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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