i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
