i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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