But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
