he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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