So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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