Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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