I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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