she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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