In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
