new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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