your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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