the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
