I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
