i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
