I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
