a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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