"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
