We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
