Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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