im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
