I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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