He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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