Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
