3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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