Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
