I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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