And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
