Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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