if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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