hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
