Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
