From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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