Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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