All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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