You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
