He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
