Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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