Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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