Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
