Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
