do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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