apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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