I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
