We're like a lot better than the average bears
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
