last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
