i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
