They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
