I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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