I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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