The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
