i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize