i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
