i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
