My liver just broke up with me...
this just has baby written all over it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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