i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
