a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
