there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
dude. I can hear the air.
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