it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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