when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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