People in love make me want to vomit
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
